Final Reflection: Container Principle


Before Looking back on the intention I set at the beginning of the month:

When I think back over the last month, I actually don’t feel a sense of failure or really even disappointment.  But I do have a sense of having missed the mark, having lost track of my intention  without really directly acknowledging it.  As I write this, I’m getting really excited about running the first week-long dissertation writing retreat.  Maybe a way of avoiding how I feel now.  What is it like to exit this period and move back to my house?  It doesn’t actually feel like a ‘.’ so much as a ‘;’ (those are a period and semicolon, respectively).  I don’t feel overly optimistic or fearful right now, or like I need to make up for my mistakes and ‘laziness’ of the last week especially, though I’ve definitely felt that in the past few days without acknowledging it.  I think in my painkiller induced haze, I bit off more than I could really chew.   
 
 
I keep feeling a draw to analyze and troubleshoot the last month.  Container is what I keep coming back to.  Part of container is external and part is internal.  The less external container there is, the more responsibility falls to the internal container.  Maybe I should say something about what container is.  An actual physical container is a good place to start.  A jar provides a form or support so that water can be poured into it.  Without the jar, the water would just go everywhere.  In that state it’s difficult for anyone to make use of the water, its spread out, somewhat less potent.  In order to use the water for anything other than soaking the table that it’s already on, we’d have to exert a lot of energy to get it back into a use-able form (as provided by the container).  So support is one of the main functions of container.  Having a schedule is an example of external support.  Having a schedule as part of a group is a greater external support.  The discipline of adhering to the schedule is internal container.  Initially you have to put some energy into establishing (and then realistically maintaining) a schedule, but then it supports you in turn. With that support you can relax, without constantly worrying whether you’re on the right track.  In my experience within relaxation comes the possibility of insight.  

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