Thirst

I've been feeling like I should write for a few days (or maybe weeks) now.  Going back to the practice of 'manifest spontaneity', what arises?

I'm tired, but not sleepy tired.  I'm tired of avoiding my experience.  And I've been doing a lot of that lately.  Reading lots of sci-fi and stuff on social-emotional learning, but not what will help me finish my dissertation.  Not emailing the people I need to email to get my data analysis rolling.  Cowering at fear is exhausting.  And so habit forming.  I have the itch to switch over to i-books and pick back up in my sci-fi novel right now. 

There's something else down here too, though.  It's not just tiredness and avoidance.  Longing.  Longing for genuine connection.  Longing to be seen without the cheapness of having to confess everything I feel like is wrong with me or every stupid thing I've done.  Just thirsty for water, as opposed to a fancy cocktail, perfect latte or the IPA that gets that floral hop bouquet just right.  Just thirsty for water.  Simple human being.  I'm really looking forward to social meditation tonight.   

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